Mid Twenties Crisis

Is it just me, or is anyone else having a ‘Mid Twenties Crisis’?

I wont say ‘mid life’ because to be honest I’d rather shit in my hands and clap than admit I’m kind of becoming middle aged.

Let’s face it no one turns into an adult until they are 18.

From 18 – 23, I found AWESOME that you can get into clubs, travel and work abroad and drink as much as you want and make as much of an arse of yourself as you did at 16 but everyone you know if drunk enough to class it as ‘banter’.

Somewhere round here, can’t even remember what years it was between now, but I made the motions of being a grown up and ‘moved out’. Seeing as I ‘fucking hated it’ I ended up back with Mum.

Cue the ages 24 to 25 and you can JUST, I repeat JUST get away with being the endearing mysterious one who is always travelling and drunk, or travelling drunk. But then when 26 hits and you get that little bit closer to 30 than 20 BANG. You have got some growing up to do. It is no longer appropriate to be single, childless, and living with your Mum and growing cat collection. It’s not funny that you don’t drive, because you work about an hour away by bus and 15 minutes away by car. It’s CERTAINLY not funny that you still do not care about the following:

The economy

Getting a pension

Global warming

It was my birthday last Friday, and Saturday I was SO excited to go to the Pink Toothbrush, a club that I went to in my younger days. I haven’t been in a while mainly because of not wanting to bump into twats from said younger days who are still living the dream working in jobs they despise for shit money which they all spend on drink & drugs every weekend and spend the actual week/month skint.

Now seeing as it was a birthday night out we were GOING hard or GOING home. When I was 18 I used to be able to go out Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday nights, come home, have an hours sleep and a bath and bounce into the offices of the investment company I worked for like a Mr Man on crack. ‘Little Miss Still Smells of Vodka’.

As I started to get older, I started to suffer from hangovers so badly that I would be ill ALL the next day. Alas, I would not let it deter me. I would just plan absolutely nothing but feeling sorry for myself and eating pickled onion space raiders the next day. now I get hangovers that last three days. Actually that’s putting it lightly, my throat is like razors and I still have heartburn.

Everyone over the age of 25 knows if you are going to have spirits you need to stock up on Rennie and loo roll. Staying out all night Saturday might have been fun at the time. Going out without any sleep Sunday afternoon and drinking a bottle of Prosecco was WELL GANGSTA.

Feeling like I was going to die all day Monday was not so great. Then I realised. Not acting like a college kid doesn’t make me NOT FUN. it makes me TWENTY SIX. So here are a few reassuring facts for all you mid twentiers:

  • It’s OK if you spend more money on magazines than partying, and sit reading them on a Friday with a wine.
  • It’s OK if you would prefer a nice relaxing evening with your foot spa than going to a rave in London.
  • It’s OK if you would prefer a nice spa day to a day festival nowadays.
  • It’s OK if you still live at home and don’t intend to move out. Ever.
  • It’s OK if all of your friends have their own families and you are the one who gets drunk and passes out on the sofa -only to be woken by the kids playing CEBEEBIES at 7am.
  • Its OK if you like herbal tea more than normal tea now. It’s good for you.
  • It’s OK if you pay more attention to the calories in alcohol now than the percentage.
  • Its OK if you don’t want to travel economy
  • It’s OK if you don’t want a smartphone

and finally:

  • Its OK if you read every single one of these thinking ‘shit that’s SO me’

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