Summers coming! So are the epic fashion fails. I cant wait.
1. Novelty Glasses.
Everyone loves a pair of glasses with palm trees on right? RIGHT? Wrong. The only time it is even remotely acceptable to wear comedy glasses is if you get dragged into Jumpin Jaks after 26 drinks and even then you still look like a bit of an arsehole.
I STILL cant get my head around why on earth these were invented. I cant imagine how lovely your feet feel after being stuffed in a sweaty, plastic shoe all day. They may repel water and be waterproof but it has also been scientifically proven they repel the opposite sex in 98% of cases.
3. Socks and Sandals
Not. Even. Words.
4. Horrendous feet in sandals.
A pumice stone and some nail varnish really isn’t going to break the bank. Yes, its a long drawn out process starting having to regularly sand your feet in January in time for summer, so if you cannot be bothered, please do not wear sandals and unleash your talons on the general public.
5. Not Shaving.
No one said it was easy being a woman, and sorry if you are a raging feminist but there really is no need to go down the beach looking like sasquatch.
6. Really, really white people.
Guys, I understand the struggle. I really do. I may as well have shares in Johnsons holiday skin and I carry tanning oil EVERYWHERE. But please put a bit of effort in. Theres nothing like someone REALLY white to put you off your chicken drumsticks you are eating from your beach picnic.
7. Not dressing for your shape.
Don’t get me wrong, I would never promote unhealthy body image. But lets just say there are ways to dress and ways to not dress. When you camel toe is the LEAST of your worries, you should be afraid. Very afraid.
8. Sweat patches.
Here is Robert Pattinson looking all sweaty betty. Proof that NO ONE can rock sweat patches.
9. Vest/Crop tops and when to wear them.
Vest and crop tops can look lovely on the right occasion. However if you are going to wear one with hot pants while drinking a Stella and pushing a buggy to go and get your benefits you will probably look more Spitney Beers than Britney Spears if you see what I’m getting at. Trainers don’t really do much for the overall look either but I suppose its better than Primark flip flops showing off that tattoo of the ying/yang symbol you got in Kavos.