It dawned on me today, that I am getting too old for partying. With all the best intentions in the world I can go out now have two glasses of wine and feel like I’ve been run over by a tractor.
After a particularly heavy week/weekend last week, I actually enjoyed waking up hangover free today and hoovering the cat. So at the tender old age of 26, I’m passing on my tips on how to party like a pro and not wake up hanging out of your arsehole.
1. Eat some greasy food before you start drinking.
This one is like, properly proved by science and everything. If you eat a nice big greasy meal before you go out, the grease lines your stomach and blocks the alcohol from entering the bloodstream through the stomach wall. So try and forget the fact that it contains about 6,000 calories and you would need to do approximately 10 years on the cross trainer to burn it off, have a nice fry up before you go out and get on the jagers.
2. Take some flip flops in your hand bag.
There’s only one thing worse than a hangover and that’s a hangover and a permanent foot injury from not being able to pissing walk in those killer heels that looked AMAZE. Obviously no one is going to rock up and walk round Faces with some flip flops on, but if you chuck them in your bag they are a life saver for that all important after club mission to get a chicken shish.
3. Two paracetamol before bed.
Tried and tested, take a couple of painkillers before you go to sleep. If, like me, you come home most nights out in too much of a state to even put your PJ’s on, leave them somewhere you’ll see them and remember to take them. No matter how good an idea it seems at the time, crushing them up and snorting them really wont do you any favours.
4. Failing this, and even better, get your hands on some FS Capsules.
‘Fresh Start’ capsules have been making waves recently, and apparently if you take them before drinking you can avoid a hangover. Although its a bit counter productive because if you take them you will end up feeling indestructible, and probably end up wearing a lampshade singing songs from Disney films. I haven’t tried them myself YET, but I have seen a lot of great feedback on Twitter. Worth a try aint it?
Natures little miracle cure for everything can also, shock horror, help a hangover. you know that feeling when you wake up with a banging head ache and would quite happily drink the contents of the toilet bowl you have just thrown up in because you are so thirsty? yeah that’s dehydration. Grab a jug of water as well as your drinks and try and drink one glass of water for every alcoholic drink. Problem solved.
6. Stick to clear drinks.
Clear drinks are a lot better for your potential hangover than dark ones. Darker spirits contain tannins, especially red wine, which are properly properly shit for you. Stick to clear drinks like vodka, or if you are a 70 year old woman, gin.
7. Plan your next day accordingly.
Sometimes, we do everything in our power to avoid a hangover, but alas it cannot be avoided. If you think there is any small potential of being rough as arseholes the next day, make sure you don’t need to do anything. There’s nothing worse than telling your Nan you’ll go over for a roast, being hungover, and struggling though a pork chop wondering if your going to vom in the gravy boat.
In the same way the greasy food works, you can drink milk to line your stomach as well. The only thing is, its a VERY heavy substance, so please don’t do what my mate Helen did and down a full glass of the stuff after a few Proseccos and some Rose and spend the rest of the night making friends with the toilet bowl.